I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Blood and glitter go together right?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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