There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
