Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
