i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You smell like a Billy Joel song
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
