There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
