how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
