She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
