So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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