Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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