K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
