Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
