i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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