Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
