do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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