why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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