I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
