What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
