he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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