guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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