the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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