from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
