the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
