I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
