Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
