A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
