Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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