just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
