You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
