He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
