Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
