Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
