apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
