i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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