Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
