There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
