I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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