I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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