WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
