I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
