ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have aggressive nipples.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
