Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
