i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
