Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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