What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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