He had one of those small greek statue penises
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
