I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
dude. I can hear the air.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
