Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
