Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize