I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
