i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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