Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
