please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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