Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
