Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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