I'm jealous of your bromance
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
