Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
