you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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