I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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