whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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