Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
