I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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