I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
