Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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