i don't like sucking hair
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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